I was 21 when my parents separated, and 23 when they were officially divorced. Sometimes I wonder if it would’ve been better if they divorced when I was younger; that way the pain of their separation would have already healed and I wouldn’t still have hard feelings over it (even if those feelings have lessened).
Would it really make a difference, though? If I was five instead of 23. Would the pain of their separation be nonexistent if I were a five year old girl. The mind of a child not yet developed enough to make much of a difference; would I have even understood what was going on?
I’m not sure if it would have made a difference. There are studies that show divorced families have a significant effect on children. They feel inadequate or unwanted, when in reality the divorce had nothing to do with them (majority of the time. I’m not saying some families don’t separate due to the fact of children. I don’t really know). The time factor, for me, makes a difference.
Time is everything for healing. Between the age of 5 and 23 there would be no hard feelings, because it has been 18 years. It has only been 4 years for years, for me, but the hurt still remains; a dull ache that thumps in my heart.
If it wasn’t for my unplanned pregnancy and then the arrival of my beautiful baby boy, I would probably be wallowing in the past – where the memories of a happy, complete family remained.
My son healed me. I don’t resent the fact of my parents seeing other people anymore. I have become understanding and want them to be happy, even that means my fairy tale dream of them getting back together doesn’t come true. I will settle with them at least getting along, for the sake of their grandchild.
I can focus on my own relationship and use my parents’ as an example of what not to do. I can take away from their marriage and use it on my own (if we ever get married).
To me, no matter what age you are, your parents divorce will effect you in some way. It’s how you come out of the situation that matters.