It’s been raining for a solid 24 hours. It’s cold. It’s dreary. And I’m that person who decides to skip class all day because…rain. I’m trying to justify this with a plausible reason called “I need a break from my child and my life.” Really, I need it.
Everyone will tell you it’s hard raising a child, but no one ever tells you exactly how hard. How hard it is differs from person to person. For me, I would give it a 8 on a scale from 1-10. A solid 8 where I’m pulling my hair out and stuffing my child in his crib for just one minute of piece and quiet. Does that make me a bad mom? I certainly hope not. It’s either that or go all chainsaw massacre on his little behind, and I really rather not do that.
So, today I am sitting in the corner of the Barnes & Noble’s Starbucks with a view of the parking lot. The rain is coming down quite nicely and I am enjoying watching people run to their cars. I bet I would have a better view in the Wal-Mart parking lot, but I consider myself to be classy. I spent about $25 dollars on just books and another $6 on a Mocha and a macadamia nut peanut butter cookie that I was talked into.
Why am I giving you a play by play of my afternoon? Especially on Valentines day where I should be stuffing myself with Chocolates and schmoozing my boyfriend in bed? Because, reality is just like I described. There is no chocolates in bed, there is no schmoozing or roses or a coffee waiting for me. It’s a near break down this morning, it’s chocolates being thrown on the kitchen table still in its Wal-Mart bag because the boyfriend didn’t have enough time to schmooze me before getting called into work. It’s that feeling of being over exerted. It’s raising a child practically on my own when his father needs to sleep all day because he worked all night. It’s crying alongside your child when he is screaming at you for attention but you have homework to get done before a certain time. It’s squeezing in gym time because I’m embarrassed about my body. It’s buying books alone in a B&N because that’s what makes me happy right now, in this exact moment.
My Valentine’s Day reality is just what I described above. I did my hair, but not my make-up. I put on pants for the first time time since Thursday. I even paired them with cute boots because I’m doing me today. My son is at his grandma’s. My boyfriend is at work. Class is going on without me. I have no worries right now. I’ll worry about my attendance. My papers that are due. I’ll worry about Spanish and Victimology at a later time. Today, I’m focusing on myself because if I don’t I may not graduate in May. I may not go to my internship this summer. I may just say fuck it all.